Family, friends and colleagues who try to support often feel inferior and unsure. Some people simply do not have the ability to express their inner feelings in words. Comfort without words is precious. Pray for those who hurt. Take hands when you pray, it's God's handshake. Just be there and listen. Bring something to eat. Answer the phone. Do not forget the children! We as helpers can only administer the medicine given by the Lord. There is nothing to be said on the border of life and death.
Thoughts on suicide
The perception that people who commit suicide do not go to heaven is wrong. Refer to Rom. 8:38-39 again. There is also no judgement. “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:1).
When the intention to commit suicide is present, every event is interpreted as confirmation that it is the right and best decision. Their thoughts at that moment are so warped that it can be classified as psychotic. Contact with reality is totally lost. Life is so dark and difficult for them that suicide becomes the only logical escape.
Think about the following; when a worldly judge has to judge a person, he has to establish if he or she can be held accountable for their deeds. Sometimes the person has to be sent for psychiatric evaluation first to establish if he or she is indeed responsible for the offence. We call it accountability. How much more will our Lord Jesus Christ make sure that we are accountable for our deeds before He passes judgement?
God is often wrongly seen as a policeman who catches us out as soon as we misbehave. He is not just waiting for a moment of weakness when we make a mistake to cast us in hell. “God is love” (1 John 4:16).
An illness hits people which doesn't consume their bodies, but it takes away their will to live. Depression. It is an illness which makes you drown in darkness. It withdraws you from people. It makes you powerless and it makes your helpers helpless because they can only help from outside while the enemy comes from within. Depression is an illness till death! It is present at 75% of people who commit suicide.
Thoughts on the death of children
Rather cry about the short life of a child than not having that child at all. Realize what a privilege it was to have known him or her and the awesome blessing the Lord bestowed on your lives. “Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from Him” (Ps. 127:3). Grief may not cause that one empty seat in a car receives more attention than the other three occupied seats of other children. Do not allow children to lose a brother or sister as well as a parent because the parent focuses excessively on the grief and pain of the loss of one’s child. A child cannot return to where his parents and family are, but they can go to where the child is. Parents and family have to develop a lifestyle with the objective to join their child one day. It is only grace from the Lord when two parents can stay close to each other during this journey. Take turns to be the other one's helper.