In the first place, the death has to be accepted. Go and see the body or at least visit the scene. Talk, do not avoid the topic. Be involved in arranging the funeral. It is one of the most healing experiences during the process of grief. The Almighty God gives believers the privilege to take these final and difficult steps in His presence surrounded by His family. The funeral is something the whole family can participate in to do something for the deceased family member.
After the funeral
After the funeral comes a heavy silence, life carries on without our loved ones. Use the silence to reflect. Don't get too busy. Allow Jesus to bring calmness to the raging emotional and spiritual storm inside you. “When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, Silence! Be still! Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm” (Mark. 4:39).
Grief is a very lonely road and the process is unique for everyone.
Stay clear of the following extremes:
No emotion at all (“cowboys don't cry”) can result in anger, depression or a heart attack. It removes you from other people and they do not have the courage to share their grief with you.
You paralyze yourself when you keep on focusing on the pain.
Family members make the mistake of “sparing” each other by not talking about the deceased. Make sure each one has enough information and understanding on every aspect which was present at the time and contributed to the death like depression, suicide, how the accident occurred or about the illness. Information gives control to a certain extent, which in its turn brings healing. They must know that they are going to experience intense and extreme emotions.
A problem with “strong” people is:
When they talk all seems well.
They do not show emotion, except anger.
They want to be left alone.
The dilemma is that they, their spouses and children experience difficult times alone. Some men think they don’t need any help and that they will be all right but a man, who cries, knows he is not superman. He knows he stays a child, of our Heavenly Father. And a child may sit on his Father's lap and be hugged.
Feelings of guilt
Grief is sadness about something done which cannot be corrected. Death makes things irreparable. After death, no one can be asked for forgiveness. Jesus Christ, however, is simultaneously with us and with our deceased loved one. He is also the One who forgives.
A suggestion is to write a letter and say everything which is on your heart. Read it then to the Lord. He will take the letter, tear and burn it, but also relay it to your loved one. They will both know that the earthly family, with all their mistakes and shortcomings across life and death love the deceased.